Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
