I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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