Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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