We won't sleep together?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
