you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
