Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
