real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
