we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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