the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
