can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
