belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
