I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
