i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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