i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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