hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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