I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
