Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
