I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
