the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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