you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
