i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
