I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
