Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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