I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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