upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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