She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
