just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
