Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
