You really coming over, don't trick.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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