I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pooping to opera.
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