I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
