we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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