if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it hurts more in the daytime
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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