mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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