how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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