I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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