I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
