Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
