here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
