1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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