Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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