I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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