It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
