i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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