I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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