third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
