I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
