...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
