HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
