I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
