did you get engaged???
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
